The Monday F5ive

The five things on my mind:

1-Phillies vs. Cardinals ESPN

Kendrick vs. Hawksworth

Interest Level: 8

A battle between two pitchers on my Razzball team....obviously, I would prefer the Phillies to win this one but the more runs these two starting pitchers give up, the better

2- Madison Bumgarner's start against the Dodgers

Bumgarner has taken the minors to school and gives the Giants another talented arm in the Giants rotation. He's pitched well in 4 starts in the bigs this year (2-2 2.57 era). Bumgarner faces a giant test tomorrow to see how reliable he will be down the stretch as he gets his first taste of the bitter Giants-Dodgers rivalry.

3-Roy Oswalt's Injury

Oswalt ended up leaving Sunday's start with an injury. This makes things a bit complicated. They haven't mentioned how much time Oswalt will be out but it seems to go without saying that this will complicate the inevitable trade to a contender and diminsh the returns the Astros would get for Oswalt.

Another in-direct subplot is how (and if) this injury affects his place in Astros history. If this injury causes Oswalt to miss a start, it may take away his chance of breaking Joe Niekro's all-time Astros record for wins (though the anemic Astros offense could just as easily take the blame if this were to happen....6-10 despite a 134 ERA+).

Or this could indirectly give him more than a few more starts in an Astors uniform. This injury could scare potential suitors away and/or reduce what they are willing to give in return....combined with him missing a limited amount of time...it could divert contenders looking for starting pitching in another direction, Oswalt gets time to get the franchise win record and the Astros hold off until the off-season and get a better return for Oswalt.

4- Sports/Movie Cross-Over Part 1: Major League

A sad day in the sports/entertainment industry as James Gammon, who played manager Lou Brown in the Major League franchise died at the age of 70.

The movie, about an Indians team assembled with a bunch of cast-offs designed to make the Indians so bad to plunge attendance numbers so their owner could move them to Florida.

In real life, the 2010 Indians being managed by Manny Acta have zero-to little hope of winning this year (like their movie counterparts had in spring). While the scrappy underdogs pull it off in the movie, edging the Yankees for the AL East title (this scenario has to change in the inevitable remake due to re-alignment), real life does not act like the movies and as good as Carlos Santana is it is unlikely they would bypass 4 teams and cash in on a .2% chance of making the playoffs (even if Kerry Wood gets off the DL, returns to his dominant form circa 1998 and becomes a modern day Ricky Vaughn). But hey, if the Indians do pull it off, they could re-make Major League (even if they don't it will probably be re-made as 80s movies are being re-made left and right as we've apparently run out of ideas).

5-Sports/Movie Cross-Over Part II: Tropic Thunder

Disclaimer: This one is not baseball related but is something I couldn't resist mentioning since seeing Tropic Thunder

Yesterday, I ended up renting and watching the film Tropic Thunder. The film is about three mega-stars (Ben Stiller as Action Star, Jack Black in the Eddie Murphy esque-role of playing several unfunny roles in the same film and Robert Downey Jr. as the critic-favorite) who unite to make a mega-budget film with a rookie director only for the director to be unable to manage their egos and having a project where nothing can go wrong have everything go wrong.

During the summer, three mega-stars (LeBron James, Dwayne Wade & Chris Bosh....alongside their hand-picked supporting cast...) who have previously played for separate teams (Cleveland, Miami & Toronto) who unite in Miami for the mega-uber project of the ages........together with a fairly young Eric Spoelstra (while he has a couple years experience....seriously he doesn't look like hes over 25).

One thing thats popped into my mind as this LeBronadrama has been going on is that anything less than 5 titles is going to be a disaster. However, with the unprecedented amount of stars (and egos) involved......somebody is not going to be happy...........all 3 of these are going to want to be the man and how their egos are not going to take over, I don't know........this is a very delicate balance that could very easily implode.....and this is BEFORE we take into account Bosh's lack of playoff experience and LeBron's tendency to save his best for the meaningless regular season games, the real life Miami Heat could easily become just as dysfunctional as the fictional actors in Tropic Thunder and this could make LeBron and Bosh both title-less even after their contracts expire.

Random Thoughts Loosely Based Around The Twins-Angels while completely avoiding Tiger Woods and the NFC East

So today is the first day of baseball season......a rundown of how my teams have done

Razzball: Well for my Razzball team, today was a pretty epic failure...i have minus 15 points in a league where 2/3 of MLB hitters have positive value (thanks a lot Yuniesky Betancourt and Ryan Church and your combined minus 28 points) it would have been worse but Mike Jacobs did his part by going 0 for 4 and striking out twice....

Cheddarhead: Not sure exactly where we stand since we haven't figured out how to get 2 people to access the same team but Lowe won, Jiminez won (not happy at all about this one) Pujols went deep twice, Blanks went deep

Random CBSSports League that i'm in: Weekly H2H points.......Off to a nice start here....benefitted from solid starts by Halladay and Carpenter the first of several Kyle Blanks home runs and a big day by Ryan Doumit

Which brings me to right now (7:30 Pacific Time) and the current Twins-Angels game that's on my TV (On Fox Sports West)......a solid amount of fantasy implications for this one (Cuddyer starts for both Cheddarhead and Random CBS League) (Hardy starts for Random CBS League and he's a reserve for Chedderhead) and Brandon Wood is a starter in Random CBS League)...whew that's alot of information to regurgitate in a paragraph......also Brendan Harris is starting and Nick Punto is a reserve for the Razzball team

The broadcast team for the game is reminiscing about the Twins coming back against the Tigers last year and referred to the one-game playoff as a play-in game.......usually hear that phrase referred to for the play-in game 64/65 for the NCAA tournament which is about to be ruined in the name of the dollar.........The broadcast team is now talking smack about the Red Sox-Yankees game last night.....about how it's not really opening day.....did that game happen....but turn around and say you get your money's worth because you get 4 hours of baseball....not sure if they're endorsing the game or if they're hating......only the broadcasters know

Sorta spacing out on the Twins-Angels game currently.....the announcers were discussing the Twins off-season restructuring and then Delmon Young goes deep 30 seconds later........an omen that the Twins will be able to overcome not having Joe Nathan?

It's 7:46......time for J.J Hardy's first at bat as a twin....which ends with a harmless ground out to the pitcher........"bacon makes everything taste better even bacon" random Jack In The Box commercial that was on TV

7:48 time for Brandon Wood to hit......ouch Wood strikes out......fail.......why couldn't he be more like Jeff Mathis and go yard.......seriously dude has a 56 OPS+......just looked it up on Baseball-Reference.......anothe side effect of going there was looking at the 2010 standings and seeing the Yankees in last place....the person sponsoring his baseball reference page has a couple of sentences written one of them being "Scoscia says Mathis is one of the Angels most valuable players"

Looking at the data from last year's Angels team and a random sampling of players who had better years at the plate than Mathis:

Gary "got a fat contract off of one decent season and one crazy catch" Matthews

Robb Quinlan

Maicier Izturis

Erick Aybar

The game is cruising along into the 3rd inning...Orlando Hudson hit a double....they're interviewing Angels GM Tony Reagins....the interview with Reagins somehow moved to random Wikipediaing as Mauer strikes out to end the top of the 3rd.......

Random Wikipeida fun-fact of the Week of Monday of the 3rd inning of the 8'o clock hour. His GM predecessor Bill Stoneman, threw 2 no-hitters (both with the Expos) despite a pedestrian career record of 54-85

Another half of the 3rd another guest.....this time Tim Salmon who's talking about how he's able to enjoy opening day more now that he's no longer playing in the bigs....and fielding questions about his take on spring training........not every day that the 1993 AL Rookie of the Year is in tha studio......8:09 Fun Fact: Tim Salmon finished in the Top 10 in MVP voting twice but somehow never got selected to an All-Star game

4th inning....we know what this means....TRIVIA time.....tonight's question who holds the Angels record for most opening day starts.....dean chance and mike witt are the guesses given by the broadcast team.......not giving away the answer but one of those is right......

More importantly, Cuddyer is up right now.....struck out in the 2nd....they just flashed that he was the 9th pick in the 1997 draft....ground out to 3rd......fail.......what isn't a fail is that the Twins were able to get Cuddyer after the teams above them drafted future hall of famers such as Matt Anderson, Jason Grilli, and Geoff Getz.......

Going to the middle of the 4th....Wood due up 3rd in the inning...randomly checking SI.com to see how Butler-Duke is going (Butler down 1 with 5 minutes left) but in general couldn't care less about Basketball at this point....

Kendrick just grounded out to second...which means....time for Brandon Wood to step to the plate.....another strikeout for Wood........double fail

We're on Guest #3 of the night Rod Carew....just mentioned that he thinks Jeff Mathis is a great player......Counter-Point: Random Sampling of players Baseball-Reference finds similar to Mathis

Dann Bilardello

Bob Uecker

Ron Tingley

Tim Spher

Ned Yost

J.J Hardy is up......now if only "productive" outs were a fantasy baseball category.....as Hardy grounds out to second but moves the runner to third........Punto hits sac fly to tie game at 3-all

They just rolled the cameras into the crowd.......to show someone in an Angels hat and Cubs jacket.......awkward/just plain wrong......just showed some footage of Target Field......I wonder if they'll break any single-season records for Snowout Induced Double-Headers.....I could see a retractable roof stadium up in Minnesota but no protection from the weather......fail

Briefly flipped to CBS to see that the Duke Vitales won the national championship.........is anyone outside of CBS, ESPN or Tobacco Road happy about this? I highly doubt it

Things could get a bit interesting.....Hunter just walked 2 on 2 out for Hideki...came within a few feet of making this a 6-3 game.....hooks a bit too far to the right....just another foul ball....but settles for a go-ahead RBI Single...and with that Scott Baker's night is over...just did some image thing listing some of his accomplishments showing Matsui with crazy Godzilla eyes......weird

Jesse Crain is brought in to clean up what Baker left behind.....what can be said about him? He's from canada been in both World Baseball Classics and he was 8th in 2005's Rookie Of The Year voting....oh and he induced a ground ball to get the Twins out of the 5th

Morneau walks...Cuddyer's up......knocks a base hit to center 1st and 2nd 2 out......can this be the catalyst to tying up the game?

Well.....it's 9 o'clock.....as fun as it has been to give whatever thoughts/insight about tonight's Angels/Twins game....the reality is i'm getting sleepy, i'm mis-spelling words every other sentence (and correcting them of course).......

A Retro-Active Diary Of My Razzball Team

Alright, a couple weeks ago I wrote a brief post about my Razzball team where the object of the game is to draft the worst team possible and listed who I drafted but didn't get into too much detail........until now. Today, one of my fellow league members dedicated a post to doing a blow-by-blow account of the team they drafted.

Well, this inspired me to do a blow-by-blow retroactive running diary of the trainwreck that I drafted.

Round 1: Jason Kendall

Being a Brewers fan, I was way too familiar with the sheer ineptitude that is Jason Kendall. It got to the point where any positive thing he did, no matter how insignificant (i.e. NOT hitting into an inning-ending double play, hitting the ball out of the infield) was seen as exceeding expectations. In the early rounds, I was improvising but all I knew was that I was taking Kendall if he was still available. Based on his probable .240 hitting with no power and that he somehow gets to start 130 games a year and he plays for a Royals team where he will probably drive in even less runs than he did in Milwaukee, there is no way this pick can go wrong

Round 2: Bobby Crosby

After getting Kendall, my next thought was to get First Base covered as Razzball-worthy hitters become catchers and middle infielders, not first basemen. Why Crosby? Plays for a terrible team? Pirates, check. Versatility at positions associated with offense? First Base/Third Base, check. Sub-.700 OPS/Sub-.240 Average/no more than 9 homers the last four years? Check.

Round 3: Brendan Harris

Got another corner infield player on accident. I was looking towards drafting some good old fashioned middle infield ineptitude here...I was trying to avoid drafting players from teams that are generally pretty smart (Twins) but anytime you can snag some Sub .700 OPS corner infield eligibility, you have to go for it.

Round 4: Gary Matthews Jr.

Matthews Jr. has answered the ultimate question of how you can catapult one above-average season and one You Tube worthy catch into making $10 million a year and making Jeff Suppan's contract look like a wise investment......even though the Mets weren't the ones that signed the contract (this one is on L.A. of Anaheim of California of America of Earth of Milky Way) it doesn't seem surprising that a player of this caliber ended up on the Mets.

Round 5: Fausto Carmona

After going with hitters in the first four rounds, I noticed that more pitchers were coming off the board around this time and started scrambling around to get my own piece of this pitching ineptitude. And what did I come back with? A pitcher whose WHIP has skyrocketed the last two years (1.76) if i'm lucky maybe he can break the 2 WHIP barrier. 70 Walks in 125 innings, 16 homers and an ERA north of 6. The icing on the cake? Carmona is projected to be the Indians #2 starter, making it unlikely that Carmona will lose said job because of his high ineptitude.

Round 6: Bill Hall

Not sure how many ABs i'll get out of Hall but my experience as a Brewers fan tells me that he's gotten progressively worse since his career year (pretty much the hitting equivalent of Fausto Carmona), the dude swings at just about everything regardless of how close the ball is to the strike zone and assuming he gets playing time, should be a valuable source of strikeouts.

Round 7: Oliver Perez

Got myself two pitchers in a three round period that have seen their WHIP skyrocket in the last few years. An ERA that looks primed to break the 7-barrier, a WHIP that is at 1.9.....oh so close to the 2 WHIP barrier and pitching for a Mets team where he shouldn't lose his job as long as he stays healthy.

Round 8: Willy Taveras

A player who has a chance to be a star.....if they ever make it legal to steal first.

Around this time I noticed a lot of the players I was drafting or was looking to draft either play or at one time played for one of four teams (Royals, Team Formerly Known As The Expos, Pirates and Mets). Around the 7th or 8th round, I shifted to a strategy to draft only players from those four teams unless I stumbled across from a player that was such a trainwreck that I couldn't resist. I would have mentioned this earlier but i'm partially distracted by the multi-OT epic that Xavier and K-State are putting on.

Round 9: Chris Jakubauskas

Had to double-check the draft page to make sure I spelt his name correctly. Don't know too much about him but considering the Pirates deemed him worthy, he should be a good source of losses. A high risk of wasted non-talent here as it looks doubtful that he will break camp with the Pirates.

Round 10: Nelson Figueroa

Time to stock up on some inept middle reliever with a slight chance of starting. He made 10 starts last year and logically could back his way into the rotation if the Mets rotation has injury issues (a matter of when not if). Anytime I can benefit off of the ineptitude of someone who pitched 30 games in the same year that the Brewers hit rock bottom and lost 106 times, there's no way I could pass it up.

Round 11: Yuniesky Betancourt

When in doubt, see who the Royals have available. If they have a .689 career OPS a career sub .300 OPS and on a team hopeless enough that that won't necessarily be a deterrent to starting. Now just as long as those 24-run Royals game only happen in spring training, I should be good.

Round 12: Craig Stammen

Young pitcher with an ERA slightly north of 5. A little concerned about his WHIP only being 1.29 and only walking 24 in 105 innings but c'mon he pitches for the Nationals. Their best pitchers are John Lannan and Jason Marquis, how good can he be?

Round 13: Mike Jacobs

On his second stint on the Mets......played a season for the Royals (which was an epic fail) he strikes out about once every four at bats, hits for a low average and comes to Citi Field.....if it can suppress the power of players that are actually good (David Wright), I can't wait to see what this stadium does to Jacobs' numbers

Round 14: Cristian Guzman

Only in a fantasy league like this, you have to worry about your starters losing time due to incompetency. .....I was feeling better about this pick until seeing that he lost his job to Ian Desmond.....fits the profile of someone that the Mets will trade for.....just a hunch

Round 15: Jeff Karstens

Had a near 1.5 WHIP and a 5+ ERA in '09.......he was so valuable in the Razzball world that he got shipped to minor league camp

Round 16: Jeff Francoeur

Banking on him NOT hitting .311 for the Mets again. Banking on pitchers realizing that he will swing at just about anything, banking on an excellent source of strikeouts.

Round 17: Tim Redding

Another player I was excited about until he got sent to the minors today.

Round 18: Mitch Maier

On the bright side, at least I ain't losing him to the minors. On the not so bright side, he's been tearing it up in the spring and his manager is lauding him for developing really quick this spring. On the bright side, talent evaluation isn't amongst the Royals strengths.

Round 19: Evan Meek

Looking at the numbers, didn't pitch that bad last year.....picked him more to a lack of familiarity and the PIT indicating he pitches for the Pirates next to his name.....if he keeps up his 8 to 1 K To Walk ratio he has this spring, he probably won't be long for this team....however, if he maintains his 5.79 ERA, Meek will be a most valuable asset.

Round 20: Ryan Church

Drafted a few rounds below the player (Francoeur) that he got traded for last summer. I actually wrote a post arguing that the Braves got the better of the deal for getting Church. Here's to both players not playing well this year.

Round 21: Jordan Zimmermann

A case of not doing my homework, getting lured by the fact that he plays for the Nationals and not realizing that he's on the 60-Day DL....oh well.

Round 22: Alex Cora

Mets utility fielder.....fine for opening day........658 career OPS.........welcome to Razzball Mr. Cora.

Round 23: Fernando Tatis

Mediocrity+multi-position eligibility+ Round 23= Jackpot

Round 24: Rod Barajas

Pro: Mediocre Batting Average

Con: He has 20 homer power

Pro: He's playing in citi field that has sapped the power of better, more talented players

Round 25: Colin Balester

5.87 ERA in 22 career starts....now if only he can crack the rotation

Round 26: Nick Punto

Protypical dime a dozen light hitting middle infielder

Round 27: Daniel Cabrera

Another player that is too valuable in the Razzball world to make a major league team....I am holding out hope that someone will give him a few starts this year. He drew 42 walks in 51 innings and showed himself perfectly capable of rocking a 2+ WHIP.

Well that in a nutshell is how I constructed the worst Fantasy baseball team that I could construct. I just have to wait a few more days to see how this goes down.

Introducing my Razzball team

So, this is the introduction to the bizarro team. A couple weeks ago, I was scrolling through the multitudes of blogs I subscribe to on Google Reader and came across a Fantasy Baseball league that was unlike the typical Fantasy Baseball league. The league, run through the Fantasy Baseball blog Razzball. Unlike most Fantasy Leagues where drafting players like Albert Pujols, Joe Mauer, Ryan Braun and Chase Utley will help you win, the league that I joined is aimed at purposely assembling the worst team possible. The winner of the Razzball wins a Hot Tub. No word on whether or not this Hot Tub takes you back to the year I turned 3, 1986.

Anyways, here is the line-up I am going with:

Catcher-Jason Kendall

First Base-Bobby Crosby

Second Base-Brendan Harris

Third Base-Bill Hall

Shortstop-Yuniesky Bettencourt

Corner Infield-Mike Jacobs

Middle Infield-Cristian Guzman

Outfield-Gary Matthews Jr.

Outfield-Willy Taveras

Outfield-Jeff Francoeur

Outfield-Mitch Maier

Outfield-Ryan Church

Utility-Alex Cora

Bench-Fernando Tatis

Bench-Rod Barajas

Bench-Nick Punto

Most Commonly Used Hitter (In Reality):

Jeff Francoeur who somehow is starting in 11 percent of leagues.

Number of Starters Starting in 0% of Yahoo leagues:

7

Pitching:

Fausto Carmona

Oliver Perez

Chris Jakubauskas

Nelson Figueroa

Craig Stammen

Jeff Karstens

Tim Redding

Evan Meek

Jordan Zimmermann

Bench:

Colin Balester

Daniel Cabrera

Most Commonly Used Pitchers:

Fausto Carmona/Oliver Perez (1% each)

Pitchers on 0% of Yahoo Leagues:

Everyone else

Apparently, i'm not the only one not high on Carlos Gomez. Carlos Gomez is allegedly the Albert Pujols of the Razzball world as he was the first overall pick. I was also glad to know that i'm not the only one to see through Michael Bourn's 2009 season as he was the 3rd overall pick. Unlike the last couple years, i'll actually be able to enjoy Jason Kendall's mediocrity as a) he's not on the Brewers anymore and b) he was my first round draft choice.

Another thing to note that 21 of the 27 players I drafted play for one of four teams, all of which could make a compelling argument for being the dumbest team in baseball (Pirates, Royals, Nationals and Mets). My thinking was if any of these teams see something in these players to sign them, 90 percent of the time there is something so fundamentally flawed in their game that they have the potential to become superstars in the Razzball world.