Well, this inspired me to do a blow-by-blow retroactive running diary of the trainwreck that I drafted.
Round 1: Jason Kendall
Being a Brewers fan, I was way too familiar with the sheer ineptitude that is Jason Kendall. It got to the point where any positive thing he did, no matter how insignificant (i.e. NOT hitting into an inning-ending double play, hitting the ball out of the infield) was seen as exceeding expectations. In the early rounds, I was improvising but all I knew was that I was taking Kendall if he was still available. Based on his probable .240 hitting with no power and that he somehow gets to start 130 games a year and he plays for a Royals team where he will probably drive in even less runs than he did in Milwaukee, there is no way this pick can go wrong
Round 2: Bobby Crosby
After getting Kendall, my next thought was to get First Base covered as Razzball-worthy hitters become catchers and middle infielders, not first basemen. Why Crosby? Plays for a terrible team? Pirates, check. Versatility at positions associated with offense? First Base/Third Base, check. Sub-.700 OPS/Sub-.240 Average/no more than 9 homers the last four years? Check.
Round 3: Brendan Harris
Got another corner infield player on accident. I was looking towards drafting some good old fashioned middle infield ineptitude here...I was trying to avoid drafting players from teams that are generally pretty smart (Twins) but anytime you can snag some Sub .700 OPS corner infield eligibility, you have to go for it.
Round 4: Gary Matthews Jr.
Matthews Jr. has answered the ultimate question of how you can catapult one above-average season and one You Tube worthy catch into making $10 million a year and making Jeff Suppan's contract look like a wise investment......even though the Mets weren't the ones that signed the contract (this one is on L.A. of Anaheim of California of America of Earth of Milky Way) it doesn't seem surprising that a player of this caliber ended up on the Mets.
Round 5: Fausto Carmona
After going with hitters in the first four rounds, I noticed that more pitchers were coming off the board around this time and started scrambling around to get my own piece of this pitching ineptitude. And what did I come back with? A pitcher whose WHIP has skyrocketed the last two years (1.76) if i'm lucky maybe he can break the 2 WHIP barrier. 70 Walks in 125 innings, 16 homers and an ERA north of 6. The icing on the cake? Carmona is projected to be the Indians #2 starter, making it unlikely that Carmona will lose said job because of his high ineptitude.
Round 6: Bill Hall
Not sure how many ABs i'll get out of Hall but my experience as a Brewers fan tells me that he's gotten progressively worse since his career year (pretty much the hitting equivalent of Fausto Carmona), the dude swings at just about everything regardless of how close the ball is to the strike zone and assuming he gets playing time, should be a valuable source of strikeouts.
Round 7: Oliver Perez
Got myself two pitchers in a three round period that have seen their WHIP skyrocket in the last few years. An ERA that looks primed to break the 7-barrier, a WHIP that is at 1.9.....oh so close to the 2 WHIP barrier and pitching for a Mets team where he shouldn't lose his job as long as he stays healthy.
Round 8: Willy Taveras
A player who has a chance to be a star.....if they ever make it legal to steal first.
Around this time I noticed a lot of the players I was drafting or was looking to draft either play or at one time played for one of four teams (Royals, Team Formerly Known As The Expos, Pirates and Mets). Around the 7th or 8th round, I shifted to a strategy to draft only players from those four teams unless I stumbled across from a player that was such a trainwreck that I couldn't resist. I would have mentioned this earlier but i'm partially distracted by the multi-OT epic that Xavier and K-State are putting on.
Round 9: Chris Jakubauskas
Had to double-check the draft page to make sure I spelt his name correctly. Don't know too much about him but considering the Pirates deemed him worthy, he should be a good source of losses. A high risk of wasted non-talent here as it looks doubtful that he will break camp with the Pirates.
Round 10: Nelson Figueroa
Time to stock up on some inept middle reliever with a slight chance of starting. He made 10 starts last year and logically could back his way into the rotation if the Mets rotation has injury issues (a matter of when not if). Anytime I can benefit off of the ineptitude of someone who pitched 30 games in the same year that the Brewers hit rock bottom and lost 106 times, there's no way I could pass it up.
Round 11: Yuniesky Betancourt
When in doubt, see who the Royals have available. If they have a .689 career OPS a career sub .300 OPS and on a team hopeless enough that that won't necessarily be a deterrent to starting. Now just as long as those 24-run Royals game only happen in spring training, I should be good.
Round 12: Craig Stammen
Young pitcher with an ERA slightly north of 5. A little concerned about his WHIP only being 1.29 and only walking 24 in 105 innings but c'mon he pitches for the Nationals. Their best pitchers are John Lannan and Jason Marquis, how good can he be?
Round 13: Mike Jacobs
On his second stint on the Mets......played a season for the Royals (which was an epic fail) he strikes out about once every four at bats, hits for a low average and comes to Citi Field.....if it can suppress the power of players that are actually good (David Wright), I can't wait to see what this stadium does to Jacobs' numbers
Round 14: Cristian Guzman
Only in a fantasy league like this, you have to worry about your starters losing time due to incompetency. .....I was feeling better about this pick until seeing that he lost his job to Ian Desmond.....fits the profile of someone that the Mets will trade for.....just a hunch
Round 15: Jeff Karstens
Had a near 1.5 WHIP and a 5+ ERA in '09.......he was so valuable in the Razzball world that he got shipped to minor league camp
Round 16: Jeff Francoeur
Banking on him NOT hitting .311 for the Mets again. Banking on pitchers realizing that he will swing at just about anything, banking on an excellent source of strikeouts.
Round 17: Tim Redding
Another player I was excited about until he got sent to the minors today.
Round 18: Mitch Maier
On the bright side, at least I ain't losing him to the minors. On the not so bright side, he's been tearing it up in the spring and his manager is lauding him for developing really quick this spring. On the bright side, talent evaluation isn't amongst the Royals strengths.
Round 19: Evan Meek
Looking at the numbers, didn't pitch that bad last year.....picked him more to a lack of familiarity and the PIT indicating he pitches for the Pirates next to his name.....if he keeps up his 8 to 1 K To Walk ratio he has this spring, he probably won't be long for this team....however, if he maintains his 5.79 ERA, Meek will be a most valuable asset.
Round 20: Ryan Church
Drafted a few rounds below the player (Francoeur) that he got traded for last summer. I actually wrote a post arguing that the Braves got the better of the deal for getting Church. Here's to both players not playing well this year.
Round 21: Jordan Zimmermann
A case of not doing my homework, getting lured by the fact that he plays for the Nationals and not realizing that he's on the 60-Day DL....oh well.
Round 22: Alex Cora
Mets utility fielder.....fine for opening day........658 career OPS.........welcome to Razzball Mr. Cora.
Round 23: Fernando Tatis
Mediocrity+multi-position eligibility+ Round 23= Jackpot
Round 24: Rod Barajas
Pro: Mediocre Batting Average
Con: He has 20 homer power
Pro: He's playing in citi field that has sapped the power of better, more talented players
Round 25: Colin Balester
5.87 ERA in 22 career starts....now if only he can crack the rotation
Round 26: Nick Punto
Protypical dime a dozen light hitting middle infielder
Round 27: Daniel Cabrera
Another player that is too valuable in the Razzball world to make a major league team....I am holding out hope that someone will give him a few starts this year. He drew 42 walks in 51 innings and showed himself perfectly capable of rocking a 2+ WHIP.
Well that in a nutshell is how I constructed the worst Fantasy baseball team that I could construct. I just have to wait a few more days to see how this goes down.